You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
