So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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