how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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