i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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