Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
