she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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