hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
