I want to have your abortion
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
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