New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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