She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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