dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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