Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I hope mine doesn't look like that
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He passed out mid-signature
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
