I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
