he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
