You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Randomize
