oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
