wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
