just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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