I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
