i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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