My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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