I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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