Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You dont lie about slip and slides
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I deserve this hangover.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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