We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
