I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
