everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
