ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I wanna passion pit in your ass
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
