I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
