U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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