i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
