Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
