Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
