Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
