What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
