Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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