So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
