i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
