He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
