I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
