Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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