woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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