found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
