If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
