I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
