dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
