Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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