I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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