You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
