quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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