420 ftw
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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