it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
