ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Shame - the story of my life.
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